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Thinking Aloud: Weegiemen

This is an old post, half formed when I was doing Nano in November:

“Out with Holly and Neela yesterday, mulling around a few points from Am/Dram in my head and for one reason or another I thought about a parody of Watchmen I did in College. Entitled Swatchmen, it wasn’t particularly funny but it whiled away an hour or two with the casting of my classmates as the main characters as they tried to answer the question: “Who Killed The Man with No Neck?”

As I strolled along the name Bawbag leaped into my head as a substitute for Rorschach and things descended rapidly from there into:


Someone has killed The Alcoholic.

It is several years since the Asbo Act was passed in Scotland which outlawed the Hoodies; costumed vagrants who took the law into their own hands and struck fear into the heart of the evil Pensioners and SingleMums. Now gone their separate ways the majority hide from the law in local bingo halls or bowling clubs while a select few continue to hang around off licenses and playparks looking to dish out their own brand of justice.

But when one of their number, the constantly paralytic Alcoholic, is found murdered in his ground floor squat the others must quickly decide whether this is a Domestic, a vendetta against Hoodies or just alcohol poisoning because there’s a sale at the local 101?

With the threat of Poll Tax riots building by the minute and the big hand of The Playschool clock is sitting at 11, will it even matter?

Bawbag – dark vigilante who hides behind a mask made of a plastic Asda bag filled with his own vomit which moves as he moves, creating faces reflecting his mood

Dr Milngavie – brilliant scientist trapped in the body of a 40 foot Rangers supporter, he is an emotionless brute of a man who may be the key to ending the Sectarian war

The Alcoholic – crack member of the Territorial Army who joined to break heads, drink and shag he is the only one still officially sanctioned because he has pictures of his CO entertaining a boy band

Silk Senga – drunken, bloated whore but kind to her granny (48) and mum (32) and currently studying to be a nursery nurse

Night Oot – the King of Clubbing, who was always out of his face on E but now spends his days surfing for midget porn

Ishemadatus – often Glasgow’s Most Coherent Man, through determination and quite a few stints in Barlinnie Prison he realises that perhaps there are alternatives to getting pished, scoffing kebabs, fighting and puking

Bollock – a mystical supervillain whose crimes had more than a tinge of failure to them all. How is he linked to the death of The Alcoholic?

Published inWriting Progress