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As-yet-untitled Thursday: Battle for the Cowell

A few weeks ago, some of the more erstwhile Internet investigative reporters found a sketch on the blog of Mr Tony Daniels, writer/artist of the current “Batman: Battle for the Cowl” mini series. Said sketch purported to reveal the true winner of the monumental contest to become the protector of Gotham City. This caused a bit of a hoo-ha, and due to a poorly timed muscle spasm (a knee jerk) Mr Daniels took down the sketch and removed his blog forever. A week or so later he restored the blog, so it all turned out okay. You can tell the kids that everything will be fine again.

Still, the identity of the eventual possessor and heir to the cape, cowl, spandex long sleeved T, tights, Speedos and comedy magician-like utility belt is still very much the talking point. Will it be the first Robin, now Nightwing, Dick Grayson? Or will it be the second… oh, you get the general idea.

However, it has emerged that Mr Daniels may be considering playing the old bait and switch on comics fans, by eventually revealing the new Batman to be a ringer; someone unexpected, or indeed, not mentioned yet in the story. Could Tony “Agatha Christie” Daniels truly be about to pull off a major coup and pull the rug from under our noses? Wait, that doesn’t read right.

Why yes it does, if the evidence we have been provided is even remotely true. For, according to our source, a Mr Q, the new Batman will be … Simon Cowell.

Yes, astonishingly, pop producer and “Mr Nasty” judge of American Idol and Britain’s Got Talent may be the one under the mask come June.

“I’ve seen sketches,” said Mr Q, who obviously wishes to remain anonymous. “You can tell by the jaw, the mobile phone stuck to his hand and the utility belt pulled right up, almost under his armpits.”

However, Mr Q was unable to provide said sketches or any evidence whatsoever. In desperation, and under the misguided assumption that we could and indeed would pay for this “scoop” Mr Q scribbled down his own “interpretation” of Daniel’s sketch which is printed below in all its glory side by side with a picture of the man himself.



“I hear he watches American Idol,” Mr Q slobbered, clutching at straws. “It makes sense as well. Just think of the rogues gallery re-interpreted to match the other major players in the show. Paul Abdul has to be Catwoman, because she did dance with that hipster cartoon cat in “Opposites Attract”. Its obvious Randy Jackson would make a terrific Mad Hatter, and as for Ryan Seacrest? A better Joker I have never seen or heard, what with his terrific one-liners, wide cheesy grin, and the fact he looks a bit like a homicidal maniac”.

As far fetched as this sounds, could Tony Daniels really be about to pull of the greatest comic book shock since Trouble with his homage to Simon Cowell? Or is he just looking to make a large amount of money at the bookies? Only time will tell when the final issue is released next month.

Tony Daniels or representatives of DC comics were unavailable to comment, possibly because we didn’t contact them, or something.

Published inThe Smorgasbord